He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
