I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
