I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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