new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
