great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just blew my weed a kiss
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
