He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
