Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
