he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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