paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The Olympian is in my bed
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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