we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
