Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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