I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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