@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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