Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
