Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now