Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"

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(407): I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!" http://tfl.nu/fhku

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(607): View more from New York

Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner

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(607): Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner http://tfl.nu/msbx

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(559): View more from California

So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best

(310): View more from California

and??

(559): View more from California

Cake is only good when you eat it

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(559): So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best (310): and?? (559): Cake is only good when you eat it http://tfl.nu/ifoq

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(678): View more from Georgia

Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.

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(678): Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards. http://tfl.nu/o7s2

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(813): View more from Florida

I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.

(1-813): View more from Florida

Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.

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(813): I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type. (1-813): Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type. http://tfl.nu/055q

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(519): View more from Ontario

I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.

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(519): I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was. http://tfl.nu/2sao

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(807): View more from Ontario

I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.

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(807): I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order. http://tfl.nu/8dgh

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.

(1-423): View more from Tennessee

I honestly don't know what to make of that.

(423): View more from Tennessee

A ham sandwich would be nice.

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(423): I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich. (1-423): I honestly don't know what to make of that. (423): A ham sandwich would be nice. http://tfl.nu/fg3s

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(954): View more from Florida

8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.

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(954): 8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on. http://tfl.nu/8x7p

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(915): View more from Texas

When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.

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(915): When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free. http://tfl.nu/k11q

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.

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(575): I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together. http://tfl.nu/r2dz

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(785): View more from Kansas

Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk

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(785): Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk http://tfl.nu/b78y

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(802): View more from Vermont

Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.

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(802): Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants. http://tfl.nu/qi2o

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.

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(321): When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week. http://tfl.nu/6col

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!

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(832): I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM! http://tfl.nu/isug

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