I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.