thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.