Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me