Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
