Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh god it's open bar.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
