I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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