why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
