I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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