fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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