Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?

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(210): View more from Texas

i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore

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(312): View more from Illinois

...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????

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(204): View more from Manitoba

when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I'm wearing red that night.

(301): View more from Maryland

Noted, what shade?

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Whore.

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(607): View more from New York

I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth

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(636): View more from Missouri

Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.

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(209): View more from California

Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?

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