There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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