Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
