What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Randomize
