my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
