I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
