OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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