....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
