Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My penis needs a shock collar
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
