Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
