can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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