I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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