I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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