i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
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The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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