drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize