I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
