im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
