good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
