I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
