i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
