I want to stick my p in your. b.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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