She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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