Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My penis needs a shock collar
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
