That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
