Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
