We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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