everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
