Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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