So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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