Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
