69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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