i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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