I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
