Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
