Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
