I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
