I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
