This is not my ceiling
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
