my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
