Your tits are I can't wait for
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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