the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
