WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
