Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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