Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
