I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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