I think i peed on brittanys purse
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Found your dick twin last night
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
