Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
