from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
