So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
