I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
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I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.